"Unquotables"

Thanks Churchill

quoteunquotefunny — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 14:42:55 +0000

“It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. It’s a great thing for everyone to read a website where quotes are altered and made funny!” Sir Winston Churchill

Science

quoteunquotefunny — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 20:11:31 +0000

“As soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss. Science also has trouble explaining why a person would put an enitre glass jar in his own butt.” Noam Chomsky

Maxims

quoteunquotefunny — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:21:53 +0000

“It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims or read Maxim. Be honest to yourself, buy an actual porno-mag.” Aristotle

Time

quoteunquotefunny — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 13:26:31 +0000

“We must use time as a tool, not as a couch. And the couch should be used as a couch, not as a bed, Jackie! I’ve told you, she’s just a friend!” John F. Kennedy

Assuage

quoteunquotefunny — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 14:31:01 +0000

“I’ve never known any trouble that an hour’s reading didn’t assuage. I’ve never known any meat that I didn’t a-sausage.” Charles De Seconda

Champion

quoteunquotefunny — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:22:04 +0000

“The only yardstick for success our society has is being a champion. No one remembers anything else. That’s why I think it’s OK that I cheated on my wife so much. BAM!” John Madden

PhD

quoteunquotefunny — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:55:03 +0000

“The average PhD thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. Oh, wait, Did I say PhD? I meant what I do for fun on the weekends: grave-robbing. If they offered a degree in grave-robbing I’d be a tenure-track professor right now. I’m really good at stealing dead bodies.” Frank Dobie

Hunger

quoteunquotefunny — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:26:55 +0000

“The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. Bread is cheaper than dildos.” Mother Teresa

Money

quoteunquotefunny — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 18:40:23 +0000

“I’d say it’s been my biggest problem all my life… it’s money. It takes a lot of money to make these dreams come true, and those dirty Jews are in charge of all the money.” Walt Disney

Pedantry

quoteunquotefunny — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:37:29 +0000

“Pedantry crams our heads with learned lumber and takes out brains to make room for it. That’s better than zombies, however. They just take out your brains and eat them.” Charles Caleb Colton